Saturday | August 27, 2016
Life is hard. It overwhelms at times where I feel extremely inadequate and not capable of keeping up with everything. House. Work/teaching obligations. Relationships. Side gigs: calligraphy/essential oils and the list just goes on…
I unloaded all my worries/anxiety on Jason this afternoon and that never starts/ends well. I feel like I’m always asking the question, “How do people do it?” I've never felt like I've had an issue with the statement, “Keeping up with the Joneses” BUT I do. Well, sort of…
In this case, the “Joneses” isn’t necessarily comparing myself to others but to the “reality” I play out in my head and ideally how I want things to go. So many expectations and things that "need" to be done that I just have a hard time completing and finishing.
I struggle with the “follow thru.”
I start three to four things at once, and then none of them get completely done and checked off the list. I vent to Jason and he says, “You need to focus on one thing, cross it off, and then move on to the next thing. You need to do a better job following thru. For starters, stop falling asleep on the couch at night and then at least you’ll have a good night’s sleep and not feel tired the next day. When you’re done working out in the living room, just put your weights and stuff away right then, until waiting until there is a mess. I don’t want to be that husband that nags but maybe I need to…I don’t want to treat you like my child.”
When those words come out of your husband’s mouth that he doesn’t want to treat me like a child, something clearly needs to change on my end.
So, he leaves with his bass for praise band practice at church and I start by cleaning my makeup brushes that should’ve been cleaned a month ago, started a load of laundry and finished eating my yogurt from lunch…
I had grand plans to water our flowers/plants outside today and trim the bushes in our front flower bed because they are extremely overgrown. When the school year starts back, so many household chores and responsibilities get put on the back burner.
All of a sudden I notice strong winds outside and what looks like a thunderstorm start to roll in. I jump onto the Weather app and sure enough the radar has a huge red and orange blob about to come through our area…but it’s going slightly north so I can’t tell if we’re going to get hit or not.
I go to our bedroom, find some clean clothes, throw my hair into a messy bun and put a hat on.
I walk outside just to see what the weather conditions are like…
As I’m walking to our detached garage to put a Chabot sign in it that someone put on our lawn this morning WITHOUT asking (rude), I just start talking to Jesus. Things like, “Jesus, I can’t carry this load, my responsibilities and burdens are too much for me right now and I know I’m not even supposed to be carrying all this. All these worries…But I don’t know how I’m supposed to get it all done.”
As I’m unloading all these concerns to Him, I look down on the pavement and notice something that I have seen before…two acorns attached to one another and I hear Him say, “I will carry you. You are not meant to carry everything you do on your own. I can handle your worries. I can handle your stresses. I can handle your burdens. Kristen, I will carry you. Give it all to me.” Then, I look around the pavement some more and see more acorns that are attached to each other. I begin to pick them up. One by one, each time I bend down to pick one set of acorns up I repeat what He just told me, “I will carry you.” I probably collected at least ten different sets during that time.
The two acorns attached to one another was revealed to me back in 2010. During that time, I was experiencing severe foot pain with my plantar fasciitis and was in a boot/on crutches for well over 6 months.
It was a very difficult season.
It was summer 2010.
I was sitting on a picnic blanket in the side lot at my parents’ house just spending time with Jesus and that’s when I first noticed and picked up two acorns attached to each other. At that time I heard Him say, “I will carry you.” This acorn is so symbolic of my relationship with Jesus. When you look at these acorns you’ll notice that if one is positioned vertically, the other is lifted, (not touching the ground or surface) It reminds me of the poem, “Footprints in the Sand” where God carries us. Similar parallels.
Here’s the interesting thing. I only spot and notice these acorns during overwhelming and challenging seasons. A small but big reminder that He will carry us and we’re not intended to carry these burdens on our own.
He certainly has a way of revealing Himself through His Creation…nature.
It was a much needed reminder on this Saturday.
When has God carried you? Have you ever had an experience where He revealed Himself to you through His Creation? I would love to know/read in the comments below. He is more present than we even realize in our everyday lives…sometimes it just takes an overwhelmed/anxious state to spot His Presence and bring everything back to His Truth.